Jayjpee’s Weblog

ugh this ugh that.

I sigh with a marvelous ugh! I cant understand you sometimes and you dont know how to react to that. You sound mad but you say your not.

?????

whats that about

eh? it sure spins my head around, wondering what the hell did i do. and if i didnt do anything,why do you sound so damn mad?

i hate it when your sad, so dont be sad

its a lot easier said then done.

eh?

ranting ranting ranting

i’ve never felt like this towards anyone in my whole entire life, not even close to it

that love feeling thing

but lets not be childish and go saying that to eachother every 5 seconds

its better when you dont have to say it at all

and you just know

look in to this eye and you can tell

even if im thinking about you

which i never stop doing

by the way.

but how can i be certain that its the same with you

i dont trust people, so theres really no point for that question.

i wouldnt believe you either way

though i wish i could

oh boy oh boy

you make me smile this big                          X (times) 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

and thats why your my moo.

you make me try new things

also challenge,teach, encourage, give new experiences, and enjoy things with me.

you are very special to me boy

and i hope you know that

WOW ThAT WAS SAPPY SHIT, but i meant every word. :} 

I want to be happy without trying so hard. I want to shut off my brain sometimes, and think clearly. I want to be succesful. I want to be a helicopter pilot, without being afraid of heights. I want to be a good person. I want everyone to appreciate the life that they were given. I want to not worry so often. I want to be better at drawing/painting. I want to be challenged. I want people to understand me better. I want people to care about the earth that they live on. I want people to help themselves help others. I want to enjoy writing. I want to skip meaningless parts of my life. I want sphagetti. I want a puppy. I want to be 18 years old. I want to live in Alaska. I want to be a Marine Biologist. I wouldnt mind being a Science or History teacher. I want to have longer hair. I want to be better at snowboarding. I want to learn how to surf. I want people not to do meth. I want people to stop killing eachother. I want to create a flying vehicle. I want to stop smoking cigarettes. I want to be taller. I want my brothers to make better decisions. I want my mom to stop drinking. I want my dad to quit lying. I want to be able to forgive people better. I want to be able to get inside of people’s heads.

I want alot of things to happen.

Theres a hole in this brain of mine

where little people scrample around as crabs do on a sandy beach.

They have no purpose except to keep moving

They form a tight-knit group, all caring and sharing

with one another.

If an enemy enters this blank hole in my brain

they attack with servere tactics of a renegade army

scoring for goods

My little soldiers return home bruised and in pieces

but they received victory

The enemies will return

the next time i take that poison

that i love so much

Lets all get lost

in this strange, creepy crawling

black hole.

your eyes will illuminate

to show you the way

But you will still not be found

no one will care that your gone.

your presences will not be missed.

Everyone you know will have

an empty spot in their

dried up brains

Where your memories were hiding.

This black hole has turned

into a paradise for you

Nothing is here to distract

your warped mind

you will be lost forever

until you want to be found

by the evils that haunt your every move

Always rotting and decomposing

slowly to your death

Highlighted colors flash in front of my face

with my eyes wide open

Simple things are confusing

A shift in a conversation

sends me spiraling for a new answer

My mouth takes acidic

Patterns float through my brain

Concentrating on the lines

I feel like flying away

Laying down is beautiful

everything flows through one person

to the next

we are all connected

Nothing can break it

My head is everywhere

I am beginning to feel

lost

1. I like Dinosaurs
2. I enjoy reading books if they are interesting
3. I have green eyes
4. I don’t like peas
5. I love spaghetti
6. I have two brothers, 1 stepbrother, and 2 stepsisters
7. I like going to the beach
8. I love camping in the woods
9. I like to be outside, when its not raining
10. My favorite season is spring
11. I enjoy snowboarding
12. My favorite colors are green and purple
13. I know how to make hemp bracelets
14. I know how to drive a manual car
15. I have dark brown hair
16. I want to be a helicopter pilot
17. I get overwhelmed easily
18. I want a puppy or a tortoise
19. I don’t like being at my house
20. I love ice cream
21. I like to draw or paint, but im not good at it
22. I have been parasailing before
23. I’ve been to Alaska, California, Idaho, Washington,Hawaii, and Mexico
24. I sometimes wish i was a little kid still
25. I hate the color yellow
26. I’m 5 feet and 6 inches tall
27. I like to go on adventures
28. I don’t want to live past the age of 60
29. I’m turning 17 tomorrow
30. I love Thanksgiving
31. I wish i could make better decisions
32. I like Led Zeppelin
33. I have lived in the same house my entire life
34. My name is Jessica Joan Porter
35. I have a tattoo
36. I like the way Daniel makes me feel
37. I like sharks
38. I like sea turtles
39. I work at Hungry Howie’s Pizza
40. I don’t have a lot of money
41. I can get my drivers license in July
42. I live with my mom
43. I don’t like writing
44. Subaru’s are my favorite type ofvehicle
45. I love all my friends
46. I have two cats, Chunk and Joey
47. I live in West Linn
48. I want to live in Australia
49. I don’t like math, only Bev’s math
50. I am a Pisces

Last summer before i started school again as a junior. I had the best summer, i went to Ozzfest, Gogol Bordello concert, and had a lot of fun.

Ozzfest- I went with Kesslie Carlson-Ham, Josh Hall, and Daniel May. We used Kesslie’s dad eurovan and headed to the Washington gorge amphitheater. We spent our first night at rest area. Were we watched some lady unload and pack her car about 8 times ( i think she was under the influence of something). After she noticed that we were watching her she parked her car two cars away from us and repeated unpacking and arranging her car for about 10 more times.

We woke up early the next morning around 8 and drove the last miles to the gorge camp grounds. The concert didn’t start until 1 pm and ozzy didnt come on stage til 9 pm. The boys, Kesslie, and I set up our camp sight and got ready to have an awesome time. It was 103 degrees there and were humid. We wondered around the concert area. They had a freak show there were a haggard looking man shouting about a three headed devil dog and a bearded lady. We didn’t go in because it was a lot of money, but i thought it was pretty funny. On one of the smaller stages Behemoth was playing and Kesslie wanted to go crowing surfing. i have never been crowding surfing so i was a litte scare, because i was only wearing board shorts and my bathing suit top. Kesslie told me to hold on really good to my top. After Kesslie got lifted up i wa ready to go but someone already crowding surfing kicked me right in the face and my mouth started bleeding. I started shaking because i was hit so hard in the face. I said f that and walked back to to Dan and Josh with my lip bleeding down my face. I got cleaned up and decided ill do that some other time.

Ozzy came on stage around 9 and i was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo dissapointed in his performance. He totally sucked, but it was still cool that he is still singing and i enjoyed seeing him perform.

We stayed up all night going around on the “party train” with crowds of people walkign around the camp site.

We woke up early and headed home.

I HAD A GREAT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just finished this book called Haunted by Chuck Palahniuck. it was a very disturbing, funny, and informational. The book is about writers that go to a house were they will spend 3 months in to write their masterpieces. All food and other accommodation’s will be provided for them by a man named, Mr. Whittier. But when the writers get there they dont want to write.

( WHATS THE POINT OF GOING TO A WRITER”S RETREAT????)

anyways the writer’s want to leave but Mr.Whittier wont let them leave until they write their stories. The writers turn Mr. Whittier into the villian and they start destroying their food supplies, water heater, and the furnace. So when someone finally finds them it looks like they are starving people that were kidnapped by some crazy old guy. To make matters worse the writer’s want to be the most famous victim of the house, so they start hacking off their own toes and fingers ( to make it look like they suffered the most). Mr. Whittier fakes his own death so the writer’s believe they are really stuck there. They turn Mrs. Clark into the new villian so they are still the poor victims of psycho’s. All of their food supplies was destroyed by the  writers. They start to starve and they are excited about it. One of the writers was pregnant and she dies in a miscarriage. The writers make her stillborn child into soup and eat it.

HOW GROSSSSSSSS!!!!

That part of the book really disturbed me and i was reading to give to back to the owner. But she told me it was a good book and i should finish it.  The end of the book is very confusing Mr.Whittier appears and opens the door for them to leave because their 3 months are up. But they dont want to leave yet. They say not enough people have died and they need to stay longer. They jam the lock and remain in the house to starve to death.

WOW, that was a mess of a book. i havent read that grotesque of a book in my whole entire life.

I have to say it was a good book but very messed up.

I woke up this morning already in a bad moon. I absolutely hate waking up like that. everything annoys right me at the beginning of my day. My brothers don’t wake up at the same time as me. So when i wake up i have to deal with them. They are always in a good mood in the morning. I guess you could call them morning people. I am not a morning person. My bad mood gets worse when i know i have a full day of school and then i have to go right to work as soon as i leave school. I try to make it better but nothing helps.

I walk around school feeling hatred to everyone that gets in my way. Then i get mad at myself for feeling so hateful. I do not like feeling like that. Certain things just bug the crap out of me and i cant handle it when im feeling so angry and not nice. I dont know how to solve my bad mood. I guess its just going to be one of those bad days.

My mind just gets set into being in a terrible mood as the day goes by. I am in such a bad mood i don’t even know if i can write how bad of a mood i am in. This blog is not going to be very good because i cant think of anything to write except for my bad mood. So its going to be lame and im sorry.

Poem about my bad moods

A bad mood blocks my mind

i want to ripe everything up in my path

nothing is going to change my mind

for the rest of the day

There is no cure for a bad mood except for a certain person

that has magical healing powers

that person for me is not with me and im not going to see them today

so im stuck in this

bad mood.

AWWWWWWWW RAWRRR